Profit and Acceptance

Posted on Fri 11th Sep, 2026 @ 9:02pm by Purulence Addams & Criswell Sandbags & Qaraq

2,141 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: [MAIN] Learning to Fly
Location: somewhere
Timeline: current (a week or two after "Where the Light Enters You")

ON

In the days following Starbase 109's reopening, Qaraq's Steakhouse had already made a massive profit. Since he handled the books and financial end of Qaraq's businesses, Criswell was tickled by the new numbers. Qaraq's Casino and Bar had been in the red for months before the explosion, and numbers at Orchids & Jazz had dropped after the departure of Jade Lantz. This was not the case with the new steakhouse. The place was constantly full, and the numbers were only going higher. True, they were one of maybe ten other restaurants on the station at the moment, but no one seemed disappointed.

Criswell was giving this report to Qaraq, who was in the kitchen watching over the cooking staff, making sure things were running smoothly. Qaraq himself was a master chef among other things, and he wanted to be as involved with the food preparation as he could. As Criswell told Qaraq more and more, he noticed the giant Broot was ignoring him. Noticing this, Criswell went tense.

"Um, I could come back later?" he said, clutching his data PADD to his chest.

"Yes, Criswell!" bellowed the jolly blue giant. "Come back later. In fact, I release you for the rest of the day."

"B-but," Criswell stammered, "it's only eleven o'clock. The lunch rush will be arriving and..."

Qaraq looked down at his executive secretary and friend. "Mr. Sandbags," he said. He never called Criswell by his last name unless there was something urgent. "You need to take a few personal days."

"But I'm not sick," Criswell said, extremely confused.

"Three days," Qaraq said. "Leave for three days. Don't come back. Think about something other than money."

Criswell's eyes went large. "Something other than money?" The very concept was a shock. In the end, Criswell could not say no to Qaraq, and that's how Criswell came to be standing in the middle of the Promenade, by himself.

That was where he stood when Purulence Collins caught sight of him. She had just left Trill Burgers and was about to continue spending her day off window shopping when she saw Qaraq's assistant and her former portrait subject standing in the middle of the Promenade, looking bewildered and completely lost. For a man who usually strove to be invisible, that was odd. A smile spread over Purulence's ebony-black face. "Criswell!" she called out and waved to him as she hurried over. "It's been months since I've seen you! How are you?"

Criswell was startled at first. It was rare when anyone noticed him, let alone called out his name and greeted him. But when he saw who it was, he relaxed a bit. Purulence was one of the few people he knew on a basis that didn't involve finance. And since he was on a break from such things, she was the perfect person to talk to.

"Oh, um, hi Purulence!" he said. "I'm doing very well. Um, it-it's good to see you again. How are you?"

Purulence gave a bubbly laugh. "Ignatius and I are still living out of suitcases and replicators. Our condominium building suffered structural damage during the explosion, so we're living temporarily on the Nameless Grace until the building can be rebuilt. We're adding a deck to the ship for family quarters, since two of my cousins evacuated to the Grace the day everything went boom. Naotalba's gone home to collect her family, who are moving here, and Bougainvillea's busy with her shop.

"I guess you're working with Qaraq to start the new steakhouse? I need to drag Ignatius over there. It smells heavenly, every time I walk by."

"Oh!" Criswell exclaimed, his eyes lighting up. "You really should come! We have a very extensive menu with many options from multiple worlds. Our specialty is any kind of meat. Poultry, pork, steak, fish, and several others. We serve dishes from over three hundred cultures! Some dishes are even species-specific! For example, we serve gourmet gizzard stones as a side dish for our avian clientele! It's an exciting place to visit, and I find it an exciting and rewarding place to work! We've only been opened a few weeks and already we're making profit!" Then he seemed to deflate, his hands folding over each other in front of his chest. "I-I don't mean to brag, of course... Mr. Qaraq is very wealthy, and he's always been very good to me. He's been a great employer, and in many ways a mentor too, much the way my father was when I was growing up."

Purulence beamed at him. "The way you feel about the steakhouse is the way I feel about painting--unendingly joyful and enthusiastic. I am so glad the business is doing well, right from the start. And honestly, that kind of place feels more right to me for Qaraq. Orchids & Jazz was too refined and elegant for him. He always talks about liking a singsong and a scrap, and Orchids just isn't the place for a scrap." She gave Criswell a mischievous look. "A steakhouse, though, might be. That sounds right up Qaraq's alley, and if you love it too, all the better. So go ahead and brag. What do you like the most about it?"

"Well, um," Criswell started, not used to this kind of conversation. "I like that it's a lot like his bar on Delavi. I spent the three-month hiatus there working for Mr. Qaraq. He's a very rich and generous person. His Delavi bar is quite rustic, but not with the subdued lights in the steakhouse. It's about the same size too. The menu is very different than the one here as well." His eyes widened for a minute, and his hands came up and started fidgeting. "Um," he stammered. "I was wondering, um, I've been around food all day, but haven't really had any myself. Mr. Qaraq has told me to get out more, but I... I don't really have anywhere to go. Could you maybe show me a place you like? Um, that is, if you're not busy."

"It's my day off, so I'm at your complete disposal," Purulence said. "I take it you don't want to eat at the steakhouse? My favorite places are Vargas Sisters' Tamales y Mas and The Hangman's Noose. Ignatius took me to Orchids & Jazz a time or two, and he fits in really well there, but I don't."

Criswell nodded, his eyes dropped to the ground as he thought for a moment. "Well, um... Mr. Qaraq has suggested I try more hoo-mon foods, because I'm a hoo-mon. He really likes hoo-mon foods and while I've had a little of it when I was working the buffet, I mostly just eat replicated Ferengi food. So, um... given you're one of two hoo-mon friends I have, I'd like to go to the place you like best." He smiled. "You're a very interesting person, so I'm sure whatever you pick will be... um, interesting."

"Don't you ever eat at Slug and Grub?" Purulence asked. "Why eat replicated when you can have the real thing? You should try them sometime. Anyway, if you'd like to try the Noose, they're on deck 610. I think they do serve eel pie, though I've never tried it. That's the closest thing they might have to Ferengi food."

Criswell nodded and followed Purulence.

They headed to a turbolift and rode it down a few decks. The Hangman's Noose Tavern & Inn's exterior looked like a Tudor-style cottage with windows showing a cheery interior, with people dining at lantern-lit wooden tables. As they entered, music that could have been described as gamer rock wafted from the speakers, heavy on fast violins and a singer who complained that she was tired of healing adventurers who constantly got themselves injured.

Criswell listened for a moment at the singing healer's words and wanted to remark that she should keep her day job.

They were seated at a nice table and were handed the menus. Criswell began reading the descriptions of every item, stopping to look at the occasional photos. Criswell was familiar with many of the ingredients, but the way they were prepared was very different from the steakhouse. Criswell often found the look of Terran food to be very non-desirable, but this time it made him all the more curious. He was grateful to Purulence to pick this place.

Criswell finished reading the entrees and looked up at Purulence. "Um, I'm afraid I've never found hoo-mon food very appetizing, at least in appearance. But I want to eat something that is popular with hoo-mons, preferably something different from Ferengi food." He smiled, forming an idea. "How about we order two entrees, and split them both? I could pick one and you could pick one." His hands began to fidget again in the way a Ferengi does when making a deal. This time the mannerism looked less like a scheme and more like he was enjoying himself.

"Hm." Purulence thought for a moment. "Do you prefer sweet or savory foods?" she asked Criswell. "I'm going to order some brown bread with honey-butter for an appetizer, but you can also get spreadable cheese as an addition, if you like, or pick a different appetizer. The Farts of Portingale meatballs are good, and the deviled eggs, or maybe a meat or vegetable pasty?"

"The brown bread sounds interesting." Criswell scanned the menu. "What is a quiche? It looks very disgusting, and today I want disgusting. Plus, the description says it has a potato crust. My favorite hoo-mon food is French-fried potatoes, so I think it would make a good start."

"You want to eat foods that disgust you?" Purulence was having so much difficulty not laughing at the irony that she shook a little, and her sides hurt. "A quiche is a pie made of beaten eggs and cream or a bechamel sauce whipped together, with chopped spinach, crumbled bacon, and grated cheese added in. It's often seasoned with mustard powder and black pepper." She waved a waiter over. "I'd like a bowl of pottage with a green salad--balsamic vinegar dressing--and a pot of chai. He would like quiche and--anything else, Criswell?"

"Um..." Criswell stammered. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to... um... what I meant was that I wanted to try something that looks disgusting. I don't want to be disgusted. I was... erm, I was hoping you could help me branch out with my, uh, taste in hoo-mon food. I don't know many hoo... hyoo-mons socially, so I wanted to try something that you like... because I like you and, um, value your opinions."

"Hm." Purulence thought a moment. "Well, the foods I like here are their bread and butter, their meat pasties, their cottage pie, and their hasty pudding with chopped walnuts, a la mode--and their fresh-baked scones. What beverages do you usually like?"

"I once heard Captain Francis remark that he liked scones," Criswell said. "I'd like to try that. As for a beverage, I do enjoy the hoo-mon version of coffee. Mr. Mindo came into Orchids and Jazz a few times and ordered coffee with something called Irish cream. What is that?"

"Oh, Irish cream is good stuff!" Purulence said with a grin. "It contains a mixture of Irish whiskey, sweetened condensed milk, heavy whipping cream, and flavorings, like caramel, chocolate, and coffee. It's like drinking your dessert."

Criswell's eyes went wide. "It has all of those things in it?" he said with enthusiasm. "That sounds revolting! I must have it! That, and a scone."

"I am so tempted to tell you about haggis, but I think we've discussed food enough," Purulence said. She glanced at the waiter. "Let's have a couple of Irish coffees and cranberry scones, too, please."

Criswell had gone back to examining the menu, and one item caught his eye. "What is the 'Soup of the Day?'" he asked the server. "I really love soup."

"Today's soup is beef and barley," the waiter said. "It contains beef chunks and barley grain, along with chopped carrots, potatoes, onions and garlic in a beef broth. It's tasty."

"Will it go well with a cranberry scone?" Criswell asked, directing his question to both the server and Purulence.

"The beef and barley soup is savory, and the scone will be more bread-like, with tart sweetness from the cranberries," Purulence said. "Usually, you eat the scone after the main savory food. That way, they go together better than they would if you ate them together."

Criswell grinned and sat back. "I'll have both then," he proclaimed. "This is a really special day for me, Purulence. Thank you for sharing it with me!"

"Thank you for asking me to share it with you," Purulence said and beamed at him. "That makes it special for me, too."

To be continued...

 

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